Not a Fawner

I am not a fawner. You know – someone who swoons over a man to curry favor and stroke an ego.

I have known this about myself for a long time.

In the summer after third grade, at the local swimming pool I gathered with my girlfriends. After a bit we were joined by a group of boys from our school. Splashing led to dunking. I was so proud of myself because, unlike my friends, none of the boys could dunk me. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I realized that I didn’t get the rules of the game and that I was suppossed to have let them dunk me.

Because, you know, that’s the way to establish a high-quality interpersonal relationship: pretend to be something less than you are to make the other person feel good about himself.

In my book, fawning is cheap, pointless, and demeaning to both parties.

Besides I so do not want to be in a relationship that requires that I show up disconnected from the best of me just so the other side feels good.

That’s not authentic or loving.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that I won’t show appreciation or pleasure in and for his presence, his actions, his words, his behavior.

But it does mean that I will be straight up about it, avoiding the dishonesty of games and pretense.

The flip side is that looking for a fawning female seems to be a habit ingrained over a lifetime of experience in some men.

The habit of playing games seems to run high in both men and women.

I’m not sure there’s an answer here – more like taking note of a rumble through my head of the processing of my experience.

Dating is not easy. And neither is not being a fawner.

But in the end, I know what will bring me the most happiness is simply being myself.

Just as I am is awesome.

Just as I am is the way I want to be for the guy who wants me and doesn’t need me to fawn over him.

If we play games, they will be the fun bedroom kind.

Of that I will be most appreciative.


Sacred Sexuality is Sacred Hot – that ability to entwine the sensual and the spiritual within relationship.

For more articles exploring the celestial and the intimate check out more articles in this section of my website: Sacred Sexuality.